Supporting a Trans Friend in Crisis: What you can do instead of calling 911

3 min readJun 10, 2020

Listen.

Your friend told you for a reason. They trust you to be there, so listen and hear what they’re saying.

Suicidality has a lot of stigma around it, but it’s something people deal with a lot.
Often all we need is for someone to listen while we talk through suicidality the same way they’d listen to any other serious topic.
Harm reduction: Sometimes your friend might have coping mechanisms that feel scary to you, like substance use or self-injury. Talk to your friend about how they can do the things that work for them more safely: not drinking and driving, having trusted people with them, not sharing needles, being mindful of where and how they self-injure, etc.

We’re often told that suicidality is irrational. It isn’t — when your material conditions are really bad, suicidality can feel as logical as jumping from a burning building.
Understand what got a person to this place and understand why they might not want to live.
Ask your friend questions: What would be helpful from you? Do they want to talk about what’s going on or would they prefer a distraction? Someone to sit with quietly? Something else? Your friend might not know, and that’s ok too.

Society treats trans people badly. Remind your friend that what happened to them is unjust and that society is messed up.
If your friend is dealing with bigotry or rejection, be their champion. Now is not the time to play devil’s advocate for why their parents might misgender them or tell your friend that their transition is hard for their partner too. (There’s never a great time for that, actually.)

You can offer to help them call us
Trans Lifeline’s operators will never call 911 on your friend without their explicit request.
Trans Lifeline’s operators all identify as trans and are trained to provide peer support and resources to trans people in crisis.
There is nothing they will have to provide, answer, or prepare for in order to call us. They guide the conversation.

Call us for support. We can be there for you as you support your friend, or make sure you get a callback from our Friends & Family service.
Make sure you’re using your own support network if you’re stressed out.
Remember what is and isn’t your job: you can be there for your friend, but you can’t necessarily change how they’re feeling or what they need to do.

It can be tempting to go ask another friend or family member for help. Doing this makes it harder for your friend to confide in you. Only bring other people in if your friend is OK with it.
If your friend is considering going to the hospital, make sure they know what that can mean.
If your friend says they want to go to the hospital, bring them there yourself or get a ride. If you can’t, you can try calling 911 with your friend’s consent and be intentional about what you say. For example, if your friend has taken something to attempt, you can say “my friend is sick & can’t breathe well / can’t keep food down”, etc. rather than describing them as in crisis. If they have physical symptoms, describe those. This increases the likelihood of just an ambulance coming, and not the police.

Become a volunteer operator on our Hotline if you are trans
Familiarize yourself with local resources for trans people
If you support a trans person, become a Family and Friends line volunteer operator (open to cis and trans people)
Volunteers receive comprehensive training and support to show up for people experiencing crisis